Random Rants

* I've been looking for something to write about that didn't concern my health and that I could be a wise ass about. Here's what I came up with.

* Cleavage. Yes, you heard me - Cleavage. SInce the invention of the Wonderbra we have lived in the age of in your face cleavage. ("Wonderbra is the tradename for an underwired bra with side padding that is designed to uplift and add cleavage.") I guess I'm not complaining but even a ladies' man like me can feel a bit uncomfortable when you tun around and BAM! there it is right in your face.

Ok, fine. It's not going to change for a while. But I about wet myself when I first saw an ad for the Cammi Secret. This amazing little invention is both the analog of and the opposite of the dickie. You remember that fabulous fake turtleneck that guys wore under a sweater or sport coat. Well the Cammi Secret is a piece of fabric that a woman can wear under her sweater or top to expose as little or as much cleavage as she desires. Of course, it comes in a variety of fabulous colors and is sutiable for any occasion. And guess what. If you order now, they will send you a second Cammi Secret for free - all you do is pay shipping and handling. (Of course shipping and handling is about the same as the cost of the damn thing.)

* Five pet peeves about sports:

--Joe Pa. That's right, Joe Paterno the venerable 83 year old "head coach" of Penn State's football team. Would everybody who says that Joe Pa has "earned the right" to decide when he wants to retire please shut up. He has not earned that right to stay in the job as long as he wants. No one earns the right to keep their job for as long as they want. For one damn thing, employment is a privilege not a right. For another, he man isn't even the damn coach. He's a figure head who hasn't actually coached the team in years. They won't even give him headphones. He is treated like some kind of old school icon. He's just an arrogant old man who can't let go. He is long past the time where he could have retired with some dignity and class. I acknowledge the man's accomplishments which are many; but he's no saint. His cronie Bobby Bowden was unceremoniously booted at Florida Sate last year. Apparently the administration at FSU has a bigger set than those guys at Penn State. Joe Pa, you're not a lovable old curmudgeon; you're a self-absorbed old man who doesn't have the decency to quit.

--Lane Kiffin. How does this arrogant little prick get the head coaching jobs at Tennessee and Southern Cal in consecutive years? What's so compelling about your resume, Lane?

--The Miami Heat. Hard to think of anything that has not been said or written about their off season signing of LeBron, Dwayne and Chris. How about this? (1) The Miami Heat do not have three superstars. Chris Bosch is an All Star but nowhere near the status of his new teammates. (2) By instantly becoming the most hated team in the NBA they will be the biggest road attraction in the league. David Stern must be wetting his pants he's so happy. BTW, don't expect them to beat the Lakers - who have now ceased to be the most hated team in the NBA.

--What's His Name. The guy who plays quarterback for the Vikings has in the course of three short years gone from the personification of youthful exuberance and the consummate football player to pampered prima donna that everybody is sick of. Nice job Brett!

--High School Sports on ESPN. Really? Is there not enough evidence of how the lure of big money in pro sports has messed up enough immature kids that ESPN could not police themselves and just say no. Just because there's an audience for it doesn't mean it has to be covered. ESPN is so ubiquitous that there will be plenty of opportunities for national exposure if these young athletes are in fact any good.



* But seriously folks. Thanks for all the interest, support and concern you have all shown to me during my recent health problems.

See you in church . . .