Monday in southeast Michigan it was about 40 degrees. Last night (Tues) the wind howled and blew and kept me awake until 3:00AM. Three and a half hours later I awoke to a 6 degree temperate and winds. What a perfect day to leave town and head south. So I'm on my way to Miami to hop a cruise ship to Nassau.
I'm in Knoxville -- I'm breaking the drive into three legs -- where it's 39 degrees at 7:30PM. Feels tropical already. Tomorrow I'll stop in Gainesville and then Friday to Miami and aboard ship. So that means today and tomorrow are going to be really boring -- and I'm sick -- and I need to come up with something to write about that's a little entertaining or interesting. I guarantee that there will be plenty of material about my fellow singles and the cruise.
I have six audio books with me and I finshed one today and started a second one. The first is Triptych by Karin Slaughter. It's a murder mystery, of course -- about 98% of what I listen to is. It passed the most important test of an audiobook -- a good reader. I think the guy's name is Michael Caldwell. The hero is a Georgia state cop who is dyslectic and reads at a second grade level and, of course, covers it up. It's entertaining if unspectacular. Being a sucker for romance and believable happy endings, I was pleased that our hero and his life long vice cop lover ended up together. BTW I have no idea what Triptych is.
I started one of Donald E. Westlake's Dortmunder novels that I have listened to before. Don't remember the name. Cooincidentially it's the same reader. It's entertaining and lightweight and the plot is creative. -- If you want to have a book ruined, have Tony Roberts read it. You know, the guy who's in a bunch of Woody Allen movies. He sounds like he's doing a lame assed immitation of James Gagney. I expected him to say "all right, youse guys" at any moment.
Here's three obscure movies that you'll like. German, Spanish and English. The German movie is Vitus. It's the story of a wonderkin at the ages of six and twelve and the way he copes with his genius IQ, his parents and his grandfather. The two child actors who play Vitus (pronounced Vee tus) are charming and believable. If you don't want to just hug the six year old, you are heartless. The Spanish film is Quinceanera -- which is the fifteen birthday celebration for a hyspanic girl. It's written and directed by an American and Englishman who are gay -- "not that's there's anything wrong with that" -- who attended a quinceanera in their neighborhood. The cast is all hyspanic unknowns. I will only say that the plot revolves around a scientifically explainable immaculate conception. Finally there's Interview with Steve Buscemi and Sienna Miller. The dialog is really smart.
My first career (of four) was as a middle school scince teacher -- this was in the early and mid seventies. I loved classroom teaching, I was very well liked and I was good at what I did. But I did some uncoventional things to keep life entertaining - to me at least. The kids may have thought of it as tortue. In 1969 I graduated with a B.S. in zoology and not a clue. I had never taken an education couse but I got a teaching job and a draft deferral. I taught physical science to ninth graders in Xenia, Ohio. My class room was about sixty years old and had no lab tables. To break up the monotiny I'd do shit to entertain the kids. For example, I found an old static electricity generator in the supply room -- you know, it's one of those things that has a belt you crank and it builds up a charge on the gold ball electrodes and makes a big spark when you discharge it. But wait! You can also discharge it by touching the two electrodes in which case it shocks the shit out of you. Or better yet, you can make the whole class join hands and have one kid (or me) grab one electrode and then make a human chain and when the last kid grabs the other electrode -- zap, you get a big assed jolt. So for yuks, I got my first period to do it and it really shocked us enough to make your arm jolt upwards. For second period I refined my act. I had them stand up and I cranked a big assed charge into the machine and told them to hold hands. They knew what was coming and the girls (and guys?) started screaming "No, Mr. B. No". Naturally I said "Shut up and hold hands." The results were even more shocking.
And finally, for now, the other highlight of that year was blowing up the classroom. Again I was putzing through the supply room forsomething to entertain with and I found some solid sodium pellets. They're pretty caustic and if you drop the in water they spin around in a circle and pop. I said to myself, "this should kill about five minutes of lecture time." Again I started with first period and refined my act. Third period comes along and I show them how this stuff works by dropping a few pellets in a big coffee can of water and they go "swirl, swirl, swirl - puff!" The kids decide to goad me on. "More, Mr. B. More." Sure why not. I drop maybe a tablespoon full in the coffe can and it starts to froth and smoke and then . . . BOOM! It fucking explodes! The entire room is full of smoke. The kids are screaming. I'm yelling "Shut up and open the windows." The next day a girl comes to me and says she got some on her hand and it burned a hole through her dress . . . and mom is not happy. Oops.
Please remember I was 22, full of crap and wanted to be popular and entertaining. The end . . . for now.
[I apologize for the misspellings, but the spell checker isn't working.]
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