101 Blind Dates

Every time I heard something like "Your Southern California Toyota Dealers . . ." on the radio or TV, I think: "Holy shit. I live in Southern California." Honestly, I didn't think it was a real place. It seemed to exist only on television. The best way I can illustrate it is to think of sitting and watching Jimmy Kimmel. If I'm watching in Michigan I know I'm watching a show that was taped a few hours ago somewhere in Hollywood. But there's no physical location that you associate with it so it's like it's out there in the ether somewhere. When I'm watching it here I think "Oh yeah, that's just up the road on Hollywood boulevard." I know I'm an over-analytic nut case and you probably don't think this way but these strange little things fascinate me. . .

Little did I know when I woke up a few days ago that I would be having humble pie for breakfast. I'll explain of course, but first I have to figure out how to make it entertaining enough to read. . . I'm not sure that I've written an entertaining blog since 2009 but I'm going to write one today.

So back to the humble pie. I had my first California date. Here's how it happened. A really nice woman was the organizer of a mixer that I attended and we started talking. She is very interested in matchmaking. So we got into a conversation about dating and dating services. I have an extensive background in that arena. So I immediately puff out my chest and say "Well I've been on more than a hundred blind dates -- That's right; a hundred. And blah, blah, blah." (I can be such a dipshit at times.) She was very interested to know what I had learned. As we talked she told me that she was hosting a small group discussion on dating and that I should come to it. Which I did. Prior to the meeting she sent me the name of a woman, whom I'll call Sandra, and asked me to check her out. She said she was going to try to get her to come to the group.

Sandra couldn't attend but the discussion was fun and my friend did an excellent job of hosting it. It's not often that single men and women can openly discuss expectations and behaviors in dating in a non-threatening environment. Afterward it was over it was up to me to make a connection with Sandra; so I did. We agreed to meet for lunch in Laguna Beach. She suggested that we get food to go at this healthy Mexican food place and walk over onto the grounds of the Montage resort. It was stunning; absolutely beautiful surroundings and a gorgeous day. We had a very nice conversation and I really enjoyed it, and was impressed by Sandra.

However on the walk over to Montage we had to climb down several flights of stairs. As soon as we went down the first set of stairs I knew my cover was blown. I knew there was no way in hell I could climb up those stairs so I was going to have to ask here to drive down to the hotel and pick me up. You see, one thing I have learned on those 100 blind dates is that I don't give my entire medical history away on the first date. It's a real show-stopper. Since I generally don't look sick or act sick, I allow some time to pass before I recite the litany of shit that's wrong with me. Sandra accepted this information without reaction and even told me about her own medical stuff.

I left feeling good. I was trying to piece together the signals she had given me and I couldn't quite figure out how she felt about the date. So that evening after I had been re-hashing the date and expanding it's significance in my head, I sat down to write her an email note. By then my exuberance had overtaken me and I wrote a message that was a bit over the top. I did have the good sense to stop myself and sent it first to my good friend Romy to ask her opinion. Unfortunately Romy didn't get back to me until the morning and in my impatience, I sent the message to Sandra. She came back shortly with a polite response which was open for interpretation. I took it as a brush off; my therapist took it as an invitation for more intimacy. (Yes, that's right. I talked to my therapist about it. I am crazy, you know.) So I waited three days and called Sandra. She was in the middle of something so I asked if I could call the following day -- Super Bowl Sunday. Before I got a chance to call, I received an email that was polite and contained the phrase "lack of chemistry". Now there's a signal that is not subject to interpretation. It means thanks, but no thanks. I was crushed -- at least for a while. I actually thought there was lots of chemistry. I did think my inability to climb stairs may have been a problem.

We've actually exchanged a couple of emails since and seem to agree that we each would like to be friends. Later today when I call her I guess I'll find out how much interpretation is necessary for the phrase "just friends."

You know I can see why my kids don't read my blogs. If I was their age it would freak me out that my 64 year old father was still dealing with dating and relationships at his age. I think kids think a guy my age should have his life settled long ago and just do old people shit. Whatever that may be. But some things never change. The complexity and silliness of relationships between men and women lasts a lifetime. If it doesn't, then you should stick to old people shit.

Thanks for reading.