Day 13 -- UT

Day 13 -- Southern Utah. I made it through the night and morning at the Best Western in St. George, UT with falling down and skinning my knees so I considered the stay a success. Next stop: Bryce Canyon. Although I am am slightly OD'd on national parks, I have been chastised by no less than three people that I must see Bryce Canyon.

The ride to Bryce includes Red Canyon which is very nice and gives you a glimpse of what's to come. The so called Bryce Canyon Amphitheatre is what I would call the canyon. It's pretty spectacular and there are four or five view points that you can easily drive to get great views. I was really looking forward to taking one or two of the easy hikes but at 8000+ feet altitude, I couldn't handle it. Just fifty yards of incline brought my to my knees -- actually to my ass since I don't usually sit down on my knees. I was going to pull one of the famous Barcelona "Fuck this. I'm no pussy." and hike it anyway but sanity prevailed.

I got there at lunch time so I wanted to eat first -- which made the altitude effect all the worse -- so I went to the full service or as I called the full shitty service restaurant. As I waited very impatiently to be served I got that pissed off look I get -- you know, my everyday expression. And when Johnny SmartAss, my waiter, made it around he said one of my favorite things "Be with you in a minute, Boss." Boss? Buddy? Pal? Chief? All equally stupid and obnoxious. So Mr. Grumpy ate his lunch. I was grumpy because when I parked and got out of the car, I took my computer backpack with me and it weighs about 30 pounds. The weight, the sun and standing up after three hours in the car really made me out of breath and weak in the knees. But on the plus side I found a wireless signal in the restaurant -- completely unprotected.

At Bryce Point I encountered a bus load of Germans -- who have been at every national park I visited. Germans I mean. Not that busload of Germans. I wanted to try my lame-assed German on them but I was to standoffish. When my picture taking came to an abrupt halt because of dead batteries, I read that as a signal to depart.

I picked a spot on the map - Salina, Utah - and headed out. I seem to be stuck on Best Western's, so I found one and got a room. While I was registering I noticed an overpowering sweet smell which I assumed was the clerk's perfume. When I went to the room I got a blast of the same almost sickeningly sweet smell. I guess either she cleans the rooms or more likely she sprays herself with the same room freshener that they use after cleaning the rooms. Wonder what it really smells like in here?

I ate at Mom's Cafe in "downtown" Salina. Good old American food in a good old American cafe. Built in 1876. It was very good and I was starved. Be sure to get a scone and put Butter and Honey FLAVORED topping on it. De-lish. Made be think of the town in Paper Moon.

I figured out what the hidden zipper pocket in Columbia shorts is for -- money. At the Oasis, I hit the ATM -- a sure winner -- to get cash. I am sure that I pushed the button for $100 but I got $500. Unfortunately my account was also debited $500. So the hidden zipper pocket safely protects me from dropping a wad. And I am really careful not to flip through hundreds of dollars in front of strangers.

I leave you with this. Why to sportscasters and commentators say "The Alex Rodriguez's of the world. The Tom Brady's of the world." Who are these other Alex Rodriguez's and Tom Brady's? I know who A Rod and Brady are, but who are these other ones "of the world?"