Back in the Saddle

The Lovely M and I have parted so it's time to get back aboard the horse and ride. Time to write something good. Hmm.


For example, nothing beats being the father of the bride. Maybe being present when the bride was born -- but not much else comes close. Funny how all those cliches and corny stuff you've heard and seen about how it makes a guy feel becomes so real. Of course, you're bursting with pride and amazement. How could this beautiful, graceful, poised young woman be the same darling little beauty that you used to sweep up into your arms and carry? I will never forget my amazement a few years ago when I was with my kids in Colorado for my brother's wedding and I was driving up to the parking lot of the park where the ceremony would happen. I saw these two stunning young women from a distance and wondered who they could be. My girls! My god they were women and total knock outs. In October when I saw Clare (NHRN) for the first time in her wedding dress I was awed. Wow my little girl moving on with her life as an adult. It became real at that moment. And if you don't feel that momentary sadness that another man is taking your place as the main man in her life, then you're kidding yourself.


One of the great joys of parenthood is watching your children succeed and become responsible adults. It's so humbling. You know that you must have done pretty well to raise such a wonderful person but it's hard to accept that you had much to do with it. It feels like you were just struggling along doing what you could and trying not to screw up too bad when, Shazam, there stands a fully grown adult who is going to be a wonderful citizen of the world. I've always thought that my first responsibility to society is to raise my kids to be good people and responsible citizens. When I first saw this happening I was amazed -- now I just simmer with pride.



And for example, there's falling in and out of love -- not too sure about the falling out of love part. I saw a picture of the lovely M by chance yesterday and I had to turn away it made me so sad. I was so sure that I could make this one work. But it didn't. So again I get to ask myself the time honored cliche "Was it better to have loved and lost . . . ?" Right now I'd say, no it wasn't. It was too little of a great thing. Far too little. I enjoyed her company as much as is possible. She was truly an expert at fun; having spent many years perfecting the skill and looking for someone to share the fun with.

I really can't go on about M without (a) putting myself down yet again -- you know, another failed relationship or (b) revealing more than a gentleman would. So on to whatever is next. And what wonderful timing -- the lovely holidays with their good cheer. Ever thing about the damn holidays reminds you that you have no one to celebrate with -- or to soothe you after the I'm-having-so-much-fun-my-fucking-head-is going-to-explode times with family. When I publish my memories I'll spill my guts on all of my most recent love affair.

Remember Romy and Michele -- not the movie characters -- the pseudonyms for my too good friends from "the karaoke bar". I don't know what I have ever done to deserve such good friends but whatever it is I should do more. They are great. Romy is so thoughtful and considerate and giving she should get a medal of honor. We have been hanging out at the bar again and they are trying to convince me to get up and sing. Holy shit! What a terrifying concept for everybody.

So another December rolls around and I am heading South on a trip that was intended for me and a companion but she is AWOL. Last year's adventure proved to be far more interesting when I returned and wrote my blog. I got some interesting comments from Anonymous that lead me to wonder who this mysterious person was. I solved the mystery but it would have been more fun to still be wondering. This time I taking a solo cruise to to the Bahamas for the weekend. Both the cruise and the flight was already paid for because I had them left from prior fucked-up-disasters. When I hit the road you know that calamity is right behind me, so we'll see what stupid human tricks I pull this time.

Thanks for reading.
J