Day 2 - The Rolling Hills

I rolled trough the rolling hills of Kentucky and the mountains of Tennessee with ease. I saw a lot of brown grass and leave-less trees. Then I saw more of the same. But the drive had only one small event of note. Shaky Old Bitch re-emerged. I was cruising at my usual 82 mph(a nice round number I think)in the fast lane a and guy in a shitty little CR-V pulls ahead of me on the right but he is blocked by a trunk. So he wanted to get over and I didn't let him in. As I passed he pulled over and rode my bumper and flashed his lights. Shazam! Road rage kicked in. After we cleared the truck I started to chase him. I have no idea how or what I was going to do about it, but who said I was rational. - There's a happy ending because I snapped out of my trace and let him go, but what the hell is with me. I'm so mellow - to the point of being catatonic usually. It obviously has something to do with being older and feeling invincible. Stupid.

I arrived in 'Bamy at my long, long time friends Greg and Linda. (By now you know I never use real names. Just feels creepy to to so.) They just moved into their new home a week ago. For the fourth or fifth time I was they first house guest. They barely have furniture but the were as gracious and welcoming as they have been my entire life. My friendship with Greg goes back to fourth grade and I've known Linda for more than 35 years. They have been married 39 years (how the hell do you do that?) and they have probably moved that many times. Must be the key to a successful marriage -- just keep moving.

I told them about my ceaseless attraction and love for the Lovey M (a pseudonym of course) and Linda told me, correctly, that it won't work. But I am not deterred and my ever present rebelliousness makes me all the more determined to make it work. M is just too fascinating and good at heart to let go. I worked soooo hard to find her. Then we reminisced for hours. Why do memories seem much fun and laughable as you get older. I think I know. Don't you?

What would you do if you had the power of God for one minute? My real answer is to eliminate ignorance, but that's boring. My real, real answer is to become Czar of Television Commercials. I would have the complete power to bring the president of the company whose product is advertised on TV right after the commercial. If the commercial said "Up to 50% off . . . and more!" I would say "What does that mean"? Are you giving things away. If it's up to 50% and it's also more, how the fuck much is it? If the commercial said "Three easy payments of $19.95" I'd asked how much that was. I'd ask if they ever considered that they might be tricking people into thinking that $19.95 was the price. If they said " An $80 value, yours for $14.99" I'd ask who had paid $80 dollars for it? And if they added "If you order in the next 10 minutes we'll double you order. Just pay shipping and handling" I'd wonder what cheap piece of shit that was an $80 value could be sold at 2 for $14.95. And don't forget the shipping and handling for $7.95.

Aw, but that's child's play in the world of bullshit commercials. Whoever the cretin is who produced "Viva Viagra" should be brought before the public and be drawn and quartered. What does Viva Viagra mean? Hurray, I can get it up? Thanks for the erection? Whoopee I've got a woody? I'm fine with selling sex. Everyone does it. Everyone just doesn't sign about it. What ever happened to the ground breaking Bob Dole commercials where we first heard "erectile dysfunction". A nice clinical way of saying "We can revive your mojo, Buddy." But sitting around a campfire and signing Viva Viargra? They're all guys!! Mercy me. Let depart this delicate subject by stealing a line I heard in a movie. If you get an erection lasting longer than four hours, send your doctor a letter of thinks!

On to LA (Lower Alabama). Thanks for reading.